Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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