I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
