How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
