Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
