We won't sleep together?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
