I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
