I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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