Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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