i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
