You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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