i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
