Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize