dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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