Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
