Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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