She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
