so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
