I wish my penis had an off switch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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