He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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