come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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