Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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