even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
