If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
