Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
