I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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