I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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