Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
