woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize