just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
