White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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