areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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