I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
