just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
