i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
