god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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