I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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