Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
