I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
