After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
