your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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