Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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