she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
