I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
