So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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