LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
