i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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