Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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