I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
