I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
