you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
