You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
