That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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