He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I pour the whiskey from now on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
