Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
