shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
