I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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