i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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