I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
