I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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