woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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