I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
