i would punch a child for taco bell
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
