Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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