He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
