nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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