my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
