I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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