it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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