its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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