he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
