Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
