I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
