Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
