Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
