her vagine was all disorganized.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
