you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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