At least make sure they are 18
Why
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
